Do Ask! Do Tell!
As a binational same-sex couple, our choice of where to live is complex. Parents in Australia and the USA and a son in the Netherlands – how to be near family?
I’m wondering how other love exiles experience their choices. We are lucky to live in a country where we are first class citizens. Lin immigrated to the Netherlands many years ago. Because she was a resident (though not a citizen) she could sponsor me as a resident. The Netherlands is a potential permanent home for us.
But what spending time with our aging parents in Australia and the US? They won’t be around forever. Do we settle in the Netherlands? Do we buy a house or rent? Are we living with one foot in Europe and the other hovering above the Pacific or Atlantic ocean?
At the moment it feels like we’re hovering. We both long to have our own home. Each step we take in getting closer to buying a home in the Netherlands, I’m plagued by doubt. Shouldn’t we be looking in Australia? What if the US opens up immigration to same-sex couples soon? Would we move to California? And on and on.
It’s unsettling and costs a lot of energy to not know what is the right choice. The uncertainty has a high emotional cost.
Skype, email, Facebook all help. But it’s not the same as being able to go to a doctor’s appointment with mom or dad.
How do other love exiles deal with this? If you have a country where you can both legally live together, do you settle down even though aging parents are far away and may need you? How do you handle the expense of traveling back and forth to be with family on different continents? Do you have more than one home? I’d love to hear from others.